I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
