also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
