he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
