i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize