I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
it glows. i had to have it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
