I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
