she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
