You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize