so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
