So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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