I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
