he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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