I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
