I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
