I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
