They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
