Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
