i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
