Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
