I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You ruined the universe
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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