My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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