They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
