Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
