Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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