Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
