I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
