i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize