no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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