New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
