bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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