yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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