textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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