That's when you crack a 10am beer
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
