I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
