So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize