What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
