he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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