So drunk its hurt
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
