frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
