Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
