____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
