The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
