Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
