Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
