the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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