what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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