He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
