it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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