My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
