I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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