i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
