I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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