She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
