she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
