as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
