I got chris browned last night
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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