Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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