I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If that was your dad, he is hot
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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