I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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