I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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