I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
