you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
