Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
