I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
