I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
No subtext here. People are naked.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
