i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
