ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
