I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
